Pain

The pain hits me like a brick,

I grasp my chest and the air becomes thick.

How long will it last this time, or will it end?

I have to believe this too shall pass, I will mend.

The twisting and tightening around my heart,

but I will not allow it to rip apart.

I will hold on and pray through,

knowing God is my only help and he feels my ache.

Before I take my next breath I can feel Him,

again He did not forsake my cry.

I fight to deny the pain and try not to wonder why.

The why is what causes my body to defy my air supply.

I have to believe that someday this pain will be no more,

to believe opposite would rock me to the core.

It gets easier each time and doesn't control me anymore.

No longer in fear of sinking to my knees and hitting the floor,

or wondering blindly in a dark haze.

Light still shines; the warm beams guide and I still praise.

The thorn that reminds me, I am nothing without Him.

Learning to embrace the brokenness as a gift,

makes the pain go by very swift.

Maybe just maybe broken is the key for me,

the way He speaks most clearly to cause a shift inside.

Where there are no other options outside of conforming to His will.

Head strong no longer matters, peace comes only from deep within.

Knowing His answer has always gone against my desires, causes a small grin.

Not out of smugness, but of embarassment,

wondering if I will ever get it right.

Knowing His love never alters each time I have a moment, a small lapse in focus; shifted from Him to me.

In that moment it alters truth inside my head and heart,

and I forget to be free.

Not free from pain, but free from the cord that binds me to it,

I have a choice.

I know better than some what staying binded means, so I will rejoice.

I will embrace this pain for what it is, nothing; because it will pass.

It is but my path and accepting it and moving forward is the only right choice.

Not dwelling on the moments that change every second, but focusing on my Father.

Only in Him do I have this freedom....freedom from me....freedom from pain that this life brings.

I haven't attempted anything in a while so i thought I might try again....It helps to air my thoughts sometimes in wierd form i suppose....Pain sometimes is a daily struggle for most of us but how thankful I have a better outlook about it than I did....Any hoo.....I'm....Out!!